Better than flowers, perhaps...

Mind of Man: What I Learned From My Mother

Okay, I'll admit it: I'm a Frisky fanatic. Every day I check the site for the latest news, blogs, and things I maybe wish I had. One of my favourite columns is John Devore's "Mind of Man" -- not because he's a closet feminist who tells the ladyfolk what they want to hear, but because he's unapologetically frank about what makes his particular man-brain tick. And by doing so, he reminds us that being overly critical of the opposite sex is just as self-defeating as being overly critical of ourselves.

But I digress. This week's addition is a reflective and beautifully written piece about his mom, and thus how he views Mother's Day (which is coming up, people, don't forget!) It got me thinking about all of the things that I learned from my own mother, and how she shaped me to be the person I am today.

When I was old enough to start understanding who my mother is, she was already a single parent. I remember the shuffle between home and the babysitter's so that she could get to work and then to school...I would go off to preschool and later, skip the babysitter's and go straight to school...after her hours of work upon work she would come pick us up and we would go home for hours more of homework and keeping house. She still played with us, cooked us meals and showed us that she loved us more than anything in the world.

I learned responsibility early. Once we were old enough to stay home my brother and I were both given chores to help contribute. I may not have liked the idea that I had to wash dishes, watch my brother or (attempt to) do laundry, but what I did like is that I could help Mommy by taking some of the load off of her shoulders.

She also taught me forgiveness, and the capacity of the human heart to love despite betrayal and anguish. She forgave my father and took him back, again and again, even after all of the terrible things he did. Some would call that foolishness, and I'll agree with them -- after all, the heart that can love is the heart most capable of foolishness. To this day she loves the man she married 27 years ago, divorced 19 years ago, and remarried 8 years ago this Monday.

But Mom has learned something of herself, as well: her own strength. She learned that loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them, and sometimes it's wiser if painful to let them go. She found a way to use her lowest points and the awful things that happened to her to build a vocation centered on helping others to overcome what she has overcome. Mom taught me that only you can set the terms of your own life...you can triumph over adversity, or lie still as it tramples you. She graduates on Saturday, and I couldn't be more proud.

No matter what's passed, there is always the chance to make something better out of it. The world, harsh and unforgiving as it can often be, also has an amazing capacity for giving second chances. You can't forget where you've been or you'll go there again, but you also can't forget to love, and love deeply -- even if it's not meant to be. And at the end of the day, the person you have to love is yourself, flaws and all. (Maybe my mom can learn something from me too...)

I'm brash and outspoken, prone to bouts of silliness. When I love I do so completely and unashamedly, even when I realize that it's not meant to be. I'm glad of the life I was given, and I want to make something even better of it. And at the end of the day, I look in the mirror and see my mother. And that's just fine with me.

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