Better than flowers, perhaps...

Mind of Man: What I Learned From My Mother

Okay, I'll admit it: I'm a Frisky fanatic. Every day I check the site for the latest news, blogs, and things I maybe wish I had. One of my favourite columns is John Devore's "Mind of Man" -- not because he's a closet feminist who tells the ladyfolk what they want to hear, but because he's unapologetically frank about what makes his particular man-brain tick. And by doing so, he reminds us that being overly critical of the opposite sex is just as self-defeating as being overly critical of ourselves.

But I digress. This week's addition is a reflective and beautifully written piece about his mom, and thus how he views Mother's Day (which is coming up, people, don't forget!) It got me thinking about all of the things that I learned from my own mother, and how she shaped me to be the person I am today.

When I was old enough to start understanding who my mother is, she was already a single parent. I remember the shuffle between home and the babysitter's so that she could get to work and then to school...I would go off to preschool and later, skip the babysitter's and go straight to school...after her hours of work upon work she would come pick us up and we would go home for hours more of homework and keeping house. She still played with us, cooked us meals and showed us that she loved us more than anything in the world.

I learned responsibility early. Once we were old enough to stay home my brother and I were both given chores to help contribute. I may not have liked the idea that I had to wash dishes, watch my brother or (attempt to) do laundry, but what I did like is that I could help Mommy by taking some of the load off of her shoulders.

She also taught me forgiveness, and the capacity of the human heart to love despite betrayal and anguish. She forgave my father and took him back, again and again, even after all of the terrible things he did. Some would call that foolishness, and I'll agree with them -- after all, the heart that can love is the heart most capable of foolishness. To this day she loves the man she married 27 years ago, divorced 19 years ago, and remarried 8 years ago this Monday.

But Mom has learned something of herself, as well: her own strength. She learned that loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them, and sometimes it's wiser if painful to let them go. She found a way to use her lowest points and the awful things that happened to her to build a vocation centered on helping others to overcome what she has overcome. Mom taught me that only you can set the terms of your own life...you can triumph over adversity, or lie still as it tramples you. She graduates on Saturday, and I couldn't be more proud.

No matter what's passed, there is always the chance to make something better out of it. The world, harsh and unforgiving as it can often be, also has an amazing capacity for giving second chances. You can't forget where you've been or you'll go there again, but you also can't forget to love, and love deeply -- even if it's not meant to be. And at the end of the day, the person you have to love is yourself, flaws and all. (Maybe my mom can learn something from me too...)

I'm brash and outspoken, prone to bouts of silliness. When I love I do so completely and unashamedly, even when I realize that it's not meant to be. I'm glad of the life I was given, and I want to make something even better of it. And at the end of the day, I look in the mirror and see my mother. And that's just fine with me.

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"Corn-fed and ready to wed!" -- Iowa S.C. upholds same-sex marriage

Gay marriages expected to begin in Iowa April 24
Iowa Supreme Court: Gay marriage ban unconstitutional
The Meaning of Iowa's Gay Marriage Decision - TIME

"The Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution." ~ from the text of the Iowa Supreme Court's 68-page decision, which you can find here.

Way. To. Go. Iowa.

It is truly heartwarming to be able to look at my dearest friends in the LGBT community and know that in one more place their right to marry and share a life together has been affirmed. And why shouldn't they? Love is blind, as they say (whoever "they" are), so people should not be restricted from showing love to those for whom they feel it. My feelings for a man are no more or less valid than my sister's love for her girlfriend or my best friend's desire to find a man with whom he can share his life.

Separation of church and state means that for the state, no religious doctrine should dictate the rights of the people. Why should I be subject to the laws of Christianity when I identify as Jewish? Why should atheists or agnostics in our "free" society be bound by strictures to which they themselves do not subscribe?

The Iowa Supreme Court, through their decision and the accompanying explanation, have demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that they understand this and that they are acting in the interest of the people -- all the people, not just the ones who believe that their religion should dictate everybody else's way of life. (I realize that might sound offensive. Deal.)

Of course, there are people who disagree. Just read the first article linked above; the tone of the entire piece is so negative that I'm almost forced to question the writer's impartiality. That is the primary reason why, in the interest of showing multiple sides to what has become a complicated issue, I've given you three articles instead of the typical one. At any rate, all this means is that the fight isn't over. The LGBTA (the "A" stands for "Allies", heterosexual individuals who identify with and support the LGBT community's struggle for equality) community will be forced to not only fight for new ground, but to emphatically defend the ground we have won in this decision.

I'm struck at the irony of those who are against same-sex marriage feeling disenfranchised by this decision. Here's a quick thought: this isn't about you. I know that hurts, but for the umpteenth time I will remind you to consider how you would feel if someone tried to take from you the fundamental right to share your life with the person you love. Nobody said you have to attend a same-sex wedding, and nobody is forcing you to change your beliefs or begin carrying rainbow flags. What we are asking you -- what I am asking you -- is to, for the sake of whatever god you follow, MYOB and let other people seek happiness too.

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