What your S.O. doesn't know...

Relationship experts tout the importance of communication between couples. I don't know how many articles I've read about the things you should tell your significant other to improve your relationship, get to know one another better, etc., and it's always about "tell, tell, tell".

This era of openness has its limits, though -- I can't think of a single person, for example, who knows everything about me or who should. That includes potential S.O.s. Let's face it: big things, or things that can change the dynamic of the relationship, need to be spilled. If you have a child, that's something your S.O. should know if things are heading in a serious direction.

With this in mind, and a shout-out to Kasper at KISS FM for putting it there last night (check out Kasper's page), I've put the question to several people: what shouldn't you tell your S.O.? (No names for privacy's sake)

>You've had an STI. Sure, if you have herpes or HIV and there's a risk of passing it on to a partner, you should be up front. But what about that unfortunate case of the clap that happened 4 or 5 years ago, has been cleared up for just as long, and you haven't touched the skank/d-bag who gave it to you since? While STIs are becoming more common and less stigmatized, there's still an "eww" factor and awkward moments when you drop that bit of (unnecessary) information.

>Toilet talk. This seems obvious, but once couples reach a certain comfort level with one another there tends to be cohabitation of the bathroom -- one person brushes teeth slash does makeup, you get the idea, while the other uses the facilities. Call me an uberprude, but I hate sharing the bathroom with anybody. Your S.O. doesn't need to know how many times you "take a big yes" (courtesy of Peter Griffin) or that the burrito bol you had for lunch doesn't really agree with you.

>Toilet talk, part 2. On the same token, and I'm sure a score of guys will agree with this, it is not -- I repeat, not -- necessary to clue your S.O. in to all of the beauty rituals that take place behind that closed door. Whether it's an eyebrow-tweezing session of epic proportions or waxing that unfortunate upper lip, discretion is certainly the better part of valor.

>Family business. This goes for at least the first several months of a relationship. No date or potential S.O. wants the full saga of your mother's mental illness, your sister's drug habit or the terrible circumstances surrounding your uncle's extradition. When you've progressed to the semi-serious portion of the program and family functions enter the picture, you can gently introduce any family dynamics that may be interesting or necessary to understand. After all, no need to send in your S.O. totally unaware.

An added warning where families are concerned: be very careful about introducing new S.O.s to your family circle before it's appropriate (and sadly, you must judge this on a case-by-case basis). There is little worse than having a failed relationship where your ex-S.O. has become bosom buddies with your parents or siblings and you are forced to remain in the same circle with them indefinitely.

>War stories. You know all those drunken escapades you had with your best mates? They may already be immortalized by blurry Facebook pictures and poorly-spelled wall posts, and that if anywhere is where they belong. There is a difference between having a good time with friends and finding yourself the focal member of some group about urinating in public or who has their name on the men's room wall (shout-out to guys: you are NOT exempt from this), and it is unlikely that your S.O. will be amused about "that one time, with the really hot guy from New York..." This creeps fairly close to the Ex Factor.

>Ex-S.O.s Oh, I could write an entire blog about the Ex Factor. I dated this guy once who even before we dated couldn't believe that I maintain friendly relationships with my exes. He seemingly belonged to the "if it's over, it's totally over" school of thought. He never saw a problem with being irritated about prior exes entering the conversation. The problem, though, is that every other word that passed his lips was something about his ex.

Like toilet talk, the Ex Factor can be split into two separate categories: the ex bash, and the ex update.

>>Ex-bash -- Okay, so there's unfinished business between you and your ex. She's a whore, or he's a complete loser who always made you pay. Chances are, your S.O. knows the score if s/he has made it to this point in a relationship with you. By constantly bringing her/him up you cause concern that a: you aren't really over her/him; and b: if things don't work out between you, you won't have a problem trashing us to whomever will listen. Cut it out.

>>Ex-update -- I realize that social networking, smart phones and general interconnectedness means that ending a relationship doesn't necessarily remove the other person from your life. So it goes. If you're like me, you are probably at least friendly with one or more exes. What this doesn't mean is that we want to hear about the new car, promotion, or other little treat your ex got. We don't care if s/he is going on vacation to Kiribati or if s/he just posted a really fun Facebook status update.

All we really want to know about your ex is a: if you're going to be seeing her/him (and why slash are we invited); and b: if they're moving to Kiribati or removing themselves in another meaningful way from your sphere.

So, this is the shortlist. Common sense is a good indicator of what you should share, and when what your S.O. doesn't know will make you both a lot happier.

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